Tag Archives: Past

Anxiety Time Machine

Constantly running
Running to or from the shame
The fear of fame begets me, the fear of fortune found me
All that Dead Girl Theory surrounds me

I don’t want to become a corpse too.

So shall I run? Or become a slave because shame begets me? Toiling for a witch like an unskilled mage

Ex-lovers haunting me
But they’re not quier dead
For goodness sake
Don’t let them find me
For I am ashamed my beauty is fake
Or to see realistically, how quickly my glass house can break

Platform after platform
Trains, undergrounds and buses
They’re all coming to fast now
I can’t concentrate

Fear of being exposed as a fraud surrounds me
They’ve sent the Gestapo to get me
The gunshots go off arround me
But I am still alive. Still breathing.

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Murky Meadow

You were sweet
I was sweet too but not with what the naked eye could see
Your blonde hair and blue eyes contrasted so heavily with the depth of soul you hid inside
Your vulnerability was nought but a guise until others took it and made you identify.
Embody this misuse of your body
I cried out for your safety but you told me not to worry – smiling with the knowledge of the true price of your sweetness, of your beauty
Of this forced identity.

Whilst I was whisked off to safety, you were left with the viscious and mentally astray
Burdened by the disarray you allowed nobody to see
I wept quitely
Only to be reminded of you in the other eyes I see
Of other women who had no ownership of their bodies

See I was lucky for not attaining your type of beauty, because in our world it is nothing but a curse I have come to see
So now I acknowledge you, to let you know that even though I got away
The darkness still came for me

I’m sorry. But please remember you are a product of your past and in no way crazy.

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Mad Alice

I didn’t mean to tumble
I didn’t mean to fall
Down this hole that I abhor

I fell past the jeers of mocking laughter
The years of paintings and sculptures that alluded me
Past the grabbing hands of old lovers
Past the intrusive stare of failed ones

Choking on fumes of marijuana
And being deafened by the music that represents years of trauma
Past my mother’s knowing but silent gaze
And passed all my past foolish mistakes

I fell and I fell
Till I saw the future of my pain if I allowed my life stay the same
The tedium and the regret
The bitterness and the ways I recollect, shards of a dream I broke over and over again

Yet, there’s a little door out of this hole
The albino rabbit knows, that’s why he shoved me down here in hope
To face my fears and fight them and finally admit that I can truly run through the snow
No matter how bitter and cold, I should always know that those fears of the white rabbit’s hole don’t hold all the control

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Naked acceptance

One has to often ask if they themselves  if they are friend or foe towards them self

Because I feel like a foe for still wanting you

Golden brown skin and sweet lotus pink lips

It smelt like Jasmine when we fucked

But most likely because my mind was running amock

Did everyone get this level of fuck?

Or do I just think I’m special due to my penchant for love

And my romance so sinful it turns into a lust

Quite frankly I’m not too sure what I should trust

I’m probably here writing this because I’m yearning for your touch

But I can’t have it

I know I can’t because even when I had it, I wasn’t sure what it was

I’ve always had a fear of the unknown

But then you came and I sat on that throne

And I let out moans my mind has never known

Too bad what was too follow

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be sane enough to call you on the phone

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3-D Cube

There she stands

Young

Naked.

 

the object of humiliative scrutiny

 

I look.

Her tears her discomfort

i feel nothing… So i continue.

 

The torture rises through my actions

my early mornings

And my late nights.

The amalgamation

 

Trapped in a box mirror with continuous gilded frames

Screaming

Waiting for it to shatter

 

i can go on no longer, She needs me

I can feel her, taste her

I am Her.

 

Please… Help Me free Me

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