Tag Archives: Pain

Abandoned Lovers and Wasted Dreams

“The nights of running through the metallic green forest, has come to an end

Knees bloodied

I plead with the Grand Tree to release me of all my inequities
To feed me fruit, so I will no longer be weak
Provide me shelter, so the creatures will no longer attack me

For I have left many lovers
And now I have no one to nurse me back to health
I have no one to protect me in this hell
I feared the light of their love
And abandoned the ways of the Siren’s sea”

I craved an innate solidarity

So please oh, Old Tree
Protect Me

The Tree opened up and embraced her.

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Sacrifices

Who would have thought
Ecstasy and euphoria
Would make me forget
The ground below
Would make me forget
The cold of beautiful snow

To float in the clouds is bliss
Until one remembers they are hungry
You cannot use aether to quench your hunger

Dancing till your feet are tired?
Joyful until you complain
Of arthritis in your old age

Eating rich till your heart is satisfied
But that same pleasure
Can cause that very same heart to die

Love has a price to pay
And there are sacrifices to be made

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Epidemic

It starts off small
Just a patch on my chest

Then it slowly grows over my arms
and up to my neck

I cover it up
Nothing to see here
There is nothing anyone can do about it
There is nothing there

As it spreads over my back
I laugh louder

Then it takes over my legs
I start to feel it

My hands are beginning to show it
So my face grows more vacant

As I sleep, I toss and turn
Only to wake up and to truly see it

It has swallowed my body whole
Completely engulfed it

How shall I find a way
to keep this secret
When even I cannot ignore it?

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3 Retrogrades & A Sleeping Venus

Floating

We hold hands as we look down at the lights

Our laughter fills the air

We thought we could roam forever

But soon our laughter stopped

and the breeze grew too strong

We lost our bearings, and all that was familiar to us became distant to us.

Our hands became clammy

Now, unattached, we float through life as though lost in a black-hole

The smell of burning trees leading me to you whimsically

 

A presence I cannot see or (that I) hide if need be

you became an inconvenience

An unwelcome being.

 

As I touch base, I look up and see you perched on top of a mountain

I call out

send directions

Yet you refuse to accept the end of our floating dispositions

 

Even though we no more hold hands, we still hold the strings to each other’s heart

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Murky Meadow

You were sweet
I was sweet too but not with what the naked eye could see
Your blonde hair and blue eyes contrasted so heavily with the depth of soul you hid inside
Your vulnerability was nought but a guise until others took it and made you identify.
Embody this misuse of your body
I cried out for your safety but you told me not to worry – smiling with the knowledge of the true price of your sweetness, of your beauty
Of this forced identity.

Whilst I was whisked off to safety, you were left with the viscious and mentally astray
Burdened by the disarray you allowed nobody to see
I wept quitely
Only to be reminded of you in the other eyes I see
Of other women who had no ownership of their bodies

See I was lucky for not attaining your type of beauty, because in our world it is nothing but a curse I have come to see
So now I acknowledge you, to let you know that even though I got away
The darkness still came for me

I’m sorry. But please remember you are a product of your past and in no way crazy.

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Modern Magdalene

She holds herself
Rocking back and forth in the cold of the night

She sits overlooking the balcony
The garden chair more eloquent than anything she had seen on this land in a while

The laughter from inside reaches her
She flinchesĀ at the onslaught on her ears.
Reminiscent of her innocence lost to her, a constant in her life, despite all her tears

She turns her face to the moon
And prays that the weight of her emotions will not kill her
For they seem to dictate her personality and disturb her rationality

Her handsome lover stumbles outside
Drunk on his own splendour and beauty
A vanity known only to Lucifer – His behaviour was pure heresy

She smiles blandly at him
Trying to prove to herself her emotions cannot crush her, that this brute’s callousness cannot break her

He gives her a mocking sideways smile
And pulls at the fabric she uses to cover her naked body, reminding her of her vulnerability

He turns abruptly and reminds her to come back in
And not to leave the guests waiting

But all she heard, was that she had not finished entertaining.

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A Salvation So Bleak

Just another sip, crisp and like vinegar in taste
I’m so close. Numb me just a little bit more. Cause my body to hit the floor.
I want to feel closer to comatose. Lusting for death, the existence of a whore.

I should feel shame at the pain
At the desperation
At how little this makes me gain
But I can do nothing but beg for more, to gain that temporary satisfaction
Bring me closer to my grave
Numb my sense and make me forget my existence upon this plane, this organised mass of dirt
It is the reason for my demise, my clotted lungs and strain on my nape

My soul is tired of the demons that dance around me
who kick out my knees for fun, in a merry-go-round about me
A pain I feel even when hope shines gently out my eyes like twilight
I’m not truly able to escape its tide
All of my hope becomes undone – this is what makes my existence feel like ice.

Black wings descend upon me
I think it is death – finally some respite
But it is my Angel’s wings come to protect me.
He looks just like me – no caricature of whiteness. The bleakness of his wings showing me the depths of the turmoil I feel within. He cares for me.
He believes in me and all that I stand for and will not stand for weight of guilt to bury me
Even the demons I flaunt explicitly, he does not shy away from them but makes them worship me.

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Living Pains

A spine curved with the shame of unfulfilled life

A mind fogged by the poisonous neurons that refuse to function

Venom running through the veins

The perilous nature causing the body to become heavy laden.

 

Legs restless and convulsive

Matching a manic’s breathing pattern as they lay in an asylum

 

A vice to numb existence

Fight the time

A form of partial self-destructive prudence

 

Better than watching blood spill.

 

Spill down the edge of steel

Better to fight the urge to kill.

 

Yet, this pill doesn’t stop it.

Legs are less manic but the body feels it.

The drink cannot curb it

The body feels like it’s floating

Still, the mind cries out for release from its green house

 

So another pill, another drink and a substance to burn all pain.

 

The mind is now released into oblivion

 

So what are these claws dragging within my chest

Who is this demon that doesn not want the soul to rest?

 

It attempts to crawl out the chest and take the soul with it.

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Pyromaniac

Oh to see my curtains in a state of upheaval

My wardrobes and vanity reduced to ashes

The very bed I sleep on burnt to the ground

 

The ecstasy in death

The excitement in the prospect of the fire

A bit of insanity. A bit of ire.

A whole moment of self-destructive behaviour

 

A bit of pathetic fallacy to quieten my mind…

For at least this destruction I can see.

Representative of my mind

My life

The ashes, obstacles I can see

 

It would be easy to start a fire I can see

Than have one made in my mind against my will and inconveniently.

 

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Gemini Aether Widows

Tried to honestly disconnect you from me

Release myself from the web of your stronghold

 

My evils always evident

Yet yours aesthetically pleasing

Does this nullify all semblance of morality?

Any duties you have to uphold.

Yet my loyalty to you has turned into my stronghold

 

Too old to willingly allow chains to seek me and hold me for ransom

The devil is definitely not that handsome

 

So I pour some holy water

Tried to purify this union

To cleanse it

 

But sometimes I forget the character of Angels and demons are similar

The only difference is the level of aether in the mind

 

So now after my desperate rituals

I stand here sullied in sin that I did not know I was committing

 

Against a fellow Angel, that sometimes loses faith and becomes a demon

 

Earth really is a mysterious hell we must all try to survive in.

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