Tag Archives: loneliness

Reflections On Truth

The words escape me
I cannot find who I am

I see the shadow but I cannot chase her
As she is always one step ahead of me

I see her being reflected in the glass but she is in chains
Being held accountable for all that she has not gained

I beg the mirror to release her as blood spills onto those rusted chains

The mirror laughs and says
“It’s not me that has trapped her but it has been you, this whole time.
Are you not ashamed”

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Anxiety Time Machine

Constantly running
Running to or from the shame
The fear of fame begets me, the fear of fortune found me
All that Dead Girl Theory surrounds me

I don’t want to become a corpse too.

So shall I run? Or become a slave because shame begets me? Toiling for a witch like an unskilled mage

Ex-lovers haunting me
But they’re not quier dead
For goodness sake
Don’t let them find me
For I am ashamed my beauty is fake
Or to see realistically, how quickly my glass house can break

Platform after platform
Trains, undergrounds and buses
They’re all coming to fast now
I can’t concentrate

Fear of being exposed as a fraud surrounds me
They’ve sent the Gestapo to get me
The gunshots go off arround me
But I am still alive. Still breathing.

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Mansion of Mirrors

It’s a tiresome thing when you only question yourself due to the presence of others

When the honest truth is you fight so hard to fade yourself out of existence

When you try to look so deep in yourself,  you hope to lose yourself within yourself

But who would have thought losing yourself would cause an instability with your reality

 

A loss greater than any memory or any limb

Leaving you restless and uncomfortable

More self conscious of your existence than before the time you let yourself go

 

So you create different rooms in this house that represent your life

 

But after dancing and partying in them uninhibited, you find they are threadbare and badly furnished

And those that are appealing are adorned with tawdry goods

 

So you continue to wonder in this house, that by way of your mind, soon becomes a derelict mansion

 

Filled with ghosts of past lovers and friends

Gilded paintings that have trapped memories of your life, hang on tarnished and wrinkling wallpaper

 

Even so, I often wonder if I shall one day leave this house all together

Or make an effort to refurbish it

The choice doesn’t feel like it lies with me…

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The Loves: Part One

Diagnosis 1

The Love that we love to lust for

That is not truly for us.

 

As careless and carefree as the wind, yet has the ability to fertilise unknowingly and oh so naturally.

 

Not for me

Not for you

Not for us.

It belongs to no one and seeks to travel the world of pleasure; simply for experience rather than gain

For the taste, despite their insatiable hunger

 

This love that is greedy and doesn’t stop wanting your worship

The intensity is equally as aloof as it is clingy

All consuming, like the sea above our heads

Drowning, yet simultaneously swimming towards this treasure chest; of gold and riches unknown

Never quite reaching it

Never quite grasping it

 

But the hope and idea of it keeps us swimming

Treasures that will never truly be ours

This is that type love.

 

Diagnosis 2

This dangerous love.

A one-sided love.

A victim and the criminal love.

Taking advantage and the crying damsel in distress

The Beast raped Beauty in sleep, mentally, but Disney forgets that part of the story

That Beauty – in all of her blissful and willing ignorance – became a slave to beast

To this abusive love

Of the Injured and Insecure; constantly breaking the beautiful, passionate and innocent

All she has is you and your abuse to look to, hoping one day that you will gain humanity

 

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Her Neck Kisses

Changing faces

Different places

Varied lips to kiss and types of laughter

Yet the same feelings remain…

Running to your freedom but only ending up in more pain

A dimpled smile

A twinkle in the eyes that could kill

She’s trained herself for these moments

Her own warped destiny

Of many lovers but to never feel the power of her own love

Even on her knees, head on the floor

Giving the dead her tears

She wonders if she’s found the one that would her let breathe

Maybe she’d get back the measure of her love,

Finally

Yet even Eve laughs and says “Do not be so easily deceived”

These men don’t fall to far from the tree

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Emotions

The nothingness

When love becomes lust
And fear becomes hate

Open up your mind and let me see your budding flowers
Those flowers

Oohhh how the scent drives me insane
Aha

As I watch these animals go about their routine
I feel to cut them off!
And give them a shock!

One they’ll remember for the rest of their lives

One that will completely change that life

One where I am their life

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