Tag Archives: life

Reflections On Truth

The words escape me
I cannot find who I am

I see the shadow but I cannot chase her
As she is always one step ahead of me

I see her being reflected in the glass but she is in chains
Being held accountable for all that she has not gained

I beg the mirror to release her as blood spills onto those rusted chains

The mirror laughs and says
“It’s not me that has trapped her but it has been you, this whole time.
Are you not ashamed”

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The Dragon or The Phoenix

Sometimes I wonder
Am I a Dragon
Or am I The Phoenix

Do I posses
The willpower
To restart
my life over?
Do I receive
Death, as a healing
Instead of a devouring?

Am I absolute
In my existence
In my mind
And my encourage
Or am I fairytale creature
Brought to life
Only when
A Heroine wishes to strike?

I do not know
which I am
But I do know
Which I wish
to become

I wish to become The Phoenix
To die
Many deaths
Without truly passing
away in my mind
To renew my mind
When old ways
have passed
To wear a coat
more beautiful
than any angel or bird

I choose to be
The best
I can be
Through renewal
and rebirth
Through the sacrifice
of the dead cells
in my heart

I wish
To free
My soul

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A shackled visionary

We grew up knowing familiarity and culture as pointers of our identity
But what happens when the orchestrators of our destinies frown upon our forms of survival in this foreign geography?

Will they imprison us and hold us mentally hostage?
How do we then free ourselves from this unfair slavery?
How do you rid yourself of an oppressor you love so dearly?
How does one prove their innocence without alluding to profanity?

It’s all a game of snakes and ladders
Taking one by surprise
You must break this charm
And stop thinking that your freedom will cause you harm
For the only thing that shall cease is your oppressors call of alarm
When you realise they do not bear arms.

And even so what is the point of a dictator when they cannot protect you from life’s woes
Threats so underhand and sinister, that would leave anyone in throes

An individual and their lived experience is their own true hero.

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Mansion of Mirrors

It’s a tiresome thing when you only question yourself due to the presence of others

When the honest truth is you fight so hard to fade yourself out of existence

When you try to look so deep in yourself,  you hope to lose yourself within yourself

But who would have thought losing yourself would cause an instability with your reality

 

A loss greater than any memory or any limb

Leaving you restless and uncomfortable

More self conscious of your existence than before the time you let yourself go

 

So you create different rooms in this house that represent your life

 

But after dancing and partying in them uninhibited, you find they are threadbare and badly furnished

And those that are appealing are adorned with tawdry goods

 

So you continue to wonder in this house, that by way of your mind, soon becomes a derelict mansion

 

Filled with ghosts of past lovers and friends

Gilded paintings that have trapped memories of your life, hang on tarnished and wrinkling wallpaper

 

Even so, I often wonder if I shall one day leave this house all together

Or make an effort to refurbish it

The choice doesn’t feel like it lies with me…

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Dead Trees/Golden Leaves

Because I could not reconcile
I submitted myself to mental bile

Hanging onto insignificant thoughts of you
Hoping death had not truly carried you

But it’s time to please my soul
Leaving thoughts of you in the past
Like my feet does the dust

My heart is full of love but I cannot allow your demons to plague me no more

Beguiling me with friendship, when your current existence in my life is nothing but a lie

So I’ll let you fade
Like the leaves do in the Autumn
Like snow does in the spring

I’ll finally let you leave
So I can finally be.

So I can allow myself to flourish and see the beauty within

Summer skies compare not to those of autumn

And so I will learn to see the golden skyline in this deathly situation

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A Rose In Your Chest…

It’s the voices that plague you

That don’t allow you to relax and breathe

That reminds you of the level of imperfection in your life and creates a pain in your left breast

The voices that reminds you of the lovers that left

The family that are bereft

And the friends that are tired of your stress.

 

Blood trickles out from your ears as you explore your illegal vices

 

Mind burning – A fascinating headache, made beautiful by this inebriation

All in the name of staying strong, your mind goes soft

Slowly turning to mush

And so you handle life in a rush.

 

Erratic turns of your head

As you feel the weight of society in a crush.

Overwhelmed and unfulfilled, you go looking for love.

 

Often finding yourself trapped in a closet, unable to breathe

A self-imposed claustrophobic dream…

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Fruits of Youth

The life of second guessing that flourishes from the seeds of doubt planted in your youth

 

Through gnashing teeth or beguiling smiles

All creating a den of insecurity from their insincerity

 

Laden in yolk from the crowd’s egg throws

Humiliation and shame then takes it foothold. Then you look old.

 

With nothing having sold in this world of consumerism

You begin to wonder at your own personal value and wisdom. “Why can’t I sell myself in this system of Capitalism?”

Drowning. You drown into a state of self loathing, strong enough to feel like a poison

Death calling you like it’s your only freedom

 

But yet, something shines on your pitiful soul and you cry “Namaste”

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Sitting Pretty

It’s like a war of the nerves

Keeping calm even when your heart is in pain

 

Creating a scenario where life feels like a game

So simple things one may gain

 

Never fully escaping the pain

But being a slave to other things before one goes insane

 

So what does one do?

They live for the fame

Unraveling the truth of their aim from society’s naked eye

 

Going from scene to scene

Creating havoc

As their soul slowly slips out from within

 

But the fame keeps them going

Seeking relief from their deathly daily submission

 

Many do not even know if their path is as wild as this

Or their view as tainted

But they are aware their key to survival is different

 

A lion and a tiger may look the same but they ultimately have different views in life; Different survival techniques

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Laughter Lines/Wrinkles

The flashing lights of your youth causes you epilepsy now

Speeding down the road in a life that you rented

 

At night

The demons and the devil’s vices find you

 

You throw your head back in laughter now

Masking the pain that overwhelms you

And the loss of your young years, to bright lights in the dark and soft thighs in your car

The sweet spreading pillars (of salt) now closed to you

 

Even if you manage to get it back again

You can’t keep up with it now

 

But what about You that chose not to live their youth at all?

Now old and alone

Seeking atonement through being a prayer mat for everyone’s ego

 

Instead of lights, you recoiled into the darkness

Ashamed of your wants and needs

But do you not know angels are servants and not saints?

Even the air you breathe is for everyone’s needs

 

Now your youth is gone , you realise love doesn’t need purity of mind

But now you are scared to revolt, lest you grow horns and go from a fake saint to the Devil incarnate.

 

Youth is always fleeting

Regret is the poison of growth

 

Flourish as you want, as you can – As much as the disabilities you would allow

 

Life did not stop at your youth

It was simply experienced.

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A Whole New World

The difference in appreciation and representation is real
It’s never quite the same when it’s right in front of you

You think you love it
You think you can accept it
You think you understand it

But the truth is you’re just as lost as the masses
A total freeloader from the reality that is your minute idea of representation

Or maybe you were never quite attuned to it
Unstable in your reactions to reality
So you sought an escape route.
Something to hide the pain and displacement in your soul.
Something to feed your interest into
Some how hoping it would free you.

But the truth is my dear Diasporan or African
Is that the realities are different and so are the histories
It will never be one and the same

History that gives birth to present day ignorance and suffering
A reality that guarantees absolute safety despite lack of graces.

Two completely different worlds.
And it’s possible for you to be an Alien in both.

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