Tag Archives: fear

Anxiety Time Machine

Constantly running
Running to or from the shame
The fear of fame begets me, the fear of fortune found me
All that Dead Girl Theory surrounds me

I don’t want to become a corpse too.

So shall I run? Or become a slave because shame begets me? Toiling for a witch like an unskilled mage

Ex-lovers haunting me
But they’re not quier dead
For goodness sake
Don’t let them find me
For I am ashamed my beauty is fake
Or to see realistically, how quickly my glass house can break

Platform after platform
Trains, undergrounds and buses
They’re all coming to fast now
I can’t concentrate

Fear of being exposed as a fraud surrounds me
They’ve sent the Gestapo to get me
The gunshots go off arround me
But I am still alive. Still breathing.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Abandoned Lovers and Wasted Dreams

“The nights of running through the metallic green forest, has come to an end

Knees bloodied

I plead with the Grand Tree to release me of all my inequities
To feed me fruit, so I will no longer be weak
Provide me shelter, so the creatures will no longer attack me

For I have left many lovers
And now I have no one to nurse me back to health
I have no one to protect me in this hell
I feared the light of their love
And abandoned the ways of the Siren’s sea”

I craved an innate solidarity

So please oh, Old Tree
Protect Me

The Tree opened up and embraced her.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Magdelene the Siren

Am I like Magdalene?
If I am, I have been her since I was young
Only no white garment or exorcism was enough
No stinging water, no oil thrown hard enough
To cast the demons that were displaced upon me

My soul is forever heavy
Lilith that swims amongst the sea breeze
I take no prisoners for the sea has already captured me
The sailors are the ones that use me
Yet when they try to cling to me
I capture their soul with my talons and drag them with me
Into the abyss
And hold up a mirror to their soul
So they can see they have lost all control
And their inequity they can run from no more

The true sullied and decrepid nature of a man’s soul
Grotesque and seeping
with pus filled sores
By the million ways he has tried to curb his pain
with a vile sword

There is no honour in creating a Magdalene
In ravishing a siren
You should have committed seppuku

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

The Unforgettable Jinn

As I leant back from our kiss
I tried to mask the pain behind the smile you commanded of me
Only this time my eyes were the expose of all the lies you forced on me
The bitterness and dislike
The dissatisfaction and pain in our fornication

You finally saw it for what it was
And decided to punish me for it

Twisting and turning my sanity, like a dummy on a string, controlling me like somebody with a nervous tic
You grew to hate me for not loving you
For rejecting you and all the iniquity your heart would spew

The taste of your lips was grim and yet I would try to keep smiling
Until one day my smile cracked
And your screaming caused it to shatter completely

And then you punished me one more time completely

Now the fall out has passed
And I am a caricature of happiness for those that are around
Still, the memory of you haunts me
And the evil you did finds me in my sleep, talking of your future, of your past and the women you have caused to bleed in your arms
Like a broken record, the memory of you plays on and on
Imprinted on my skin and lips, the place in-between my hips

So I release you in these words I write
Release you to let you know you’ve lost this fight
I didn’t want a war or a battle and yet I’m left with scars

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Death In Paradise

Sometimes I wonder if I’m going to end up on the side of street pathetic and ill
With all my grand plans and illusions gone stale
The Eden of my mind unkept and derelict
With all my possible accomplishments nothing but a fail

Drunk and dim
Drowning all of my sorrows with gin
Outbursts of violence before I finally breakdown and cry
Imagine if I could die?
This cheat code called suicide is not enough
When did I become so bleak within

Hope is not enough to stop this fear from eating me from the inside

My dreams are nightmares now
My Angel hates me now
And death, the vulture, is free to capture me now

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

My Tears/Your Shame

You know the depth of my my heart
The evil that I flaunt to hide the light of my mind
The cheekiness of my smile
My sexual nature that I use to make others mine
You too see the obsession growing in their mind

But it cripples the one I want in the mind
Making them back away from my performative lies

I refused to let him see my tears
Who the true wearer of this mask is

That my ugliness would surpass any illusions of beauty
So I decided on the headiness of this strong wine
To give me the confidence to convey my lies

But you my dear guardian angel, you see my disguise and laugh at my desperation for a better life
Cutting through my inebriation with a holy knife

No more games, no more gimmicks
I give you my life
With defeated laughter and tears filling my eyes

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Gemini Aether Widows

Tried to honestly disconnect you from me

Release myself from the web of your stronghold

 

My evils always evident

Yet yours aesthetically pleasing

Does this nullify all semblance of morality?

Any duties you have to uphold.

Yet my loyalty to you has turned into my stronghold

 

Too old to willingly allow chains to seek me and hold me for ransom

The devil is definitely not that handsome

 

So I pour some holy water

Tried to purify this union

To cleanse it

 

But sometimes I forget the character of Angels and demons are similar

The only difference is the level of aether in the mind

 

So now after my desperate rituals

I stand here sullied in sin that I did not know I was committing

 

Against a fellow Angel, that sometimes loses faith and becomes a demon

 

Earth really is a mysterious hell we must all try to survive in.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Destiny In the Waves

It moves with no vicious intent

But is dangerous all the same

Strong and powerful

Feeling the world’s motions.

Does Yemaja cry out again?

 

A tremulous Sea that knows the stillness of doubt and uncertainty

Blue and grey, with all the colours in-between.

The waves do not crash but push aggressive and elegantly

I’m sure she called me here immediately

To remember to cleanse my soul and view the world humbly

 

There is too much to try to grapple for a place in this world possessively.

Know your strength and feel the power of your waves beneath your feet.

 

Though the fear that moves through you, as your eyes view the waves, incapacitates you

Renders you speechless

And palpitates the strength in you

Remember, you have coursed these waves before.

 

Your heart was a ship that was once wrecked in battle

But now you have made your stern strong.

Time to end this fear of being slaughtered like cattle

 

Your battle scars are too right for your confidence to be undone.

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Forest of Lost Dreams

As I stand before the lover of my dreams
He tucks a stray braid behind my ear
And takes in my aura

The sun sets behind him
Making me even warmer
A tepid flood is felt making its way down my inner thighs

This feeling is familiar yet more beautiful than before

And my eyes widen, for fear I may actually want this love

So I turn my back on the warm sunset

And run through this jungle of a forrest
Barefoot and naked

Feet bleeding and foreign animals preying
I run deeper, till the trees deject the sun from this ill forsaken coven

As I stop to gather my breath
I notice areas of my body had the skin torn
Yet the pain compares not to my fear of what could have been born

This darkness is familiar
The blood that I have shed brings me no respite however

It simply reminds me of the warmth of my lover that I chose to abandon
Instead choosing sharp stones and dark trees
And preying animals that go unseen

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

My Secret Fire

Sometimes I lament how cold I have become

I try to cry

But I laugh instead, as bitterness wraps itself around my spine.

 

They think I don’t feel

When the problem is, I have felt too much

 

The pain of suffering from the words of a loved one

The shame of loving someone who only sees me as a bit of fun

Or a crutch for their numerous fucking problems

 

A plain canvas that they paint as they wish

No care for who exists behind

A washed out model for a controlling designer

 

So I grew cold as their callous ways doused my fire

Slightly bitter as my light flickered

 

Growing repulsed by their presence

I sought to put myself out

 

But I couldn’t fully achieve it

As their breeze would painfully rekindle my ashes

 

A small flame would burn,

hidden behind a secret bush I had planted

 

So they did not see the flame that burnt

But instead, they would assume

They would only see the forest in the night and feel the cold breeze pinching upon their shoulders

The cold gave them a fright

They would run far into the night

Not realising that I always had light

They just didn’t have the right eyes to pass.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,