Category Archives: Spirituality

Anxiety Time Machine

Constantly running
Running to or from the shame
The fear of fame begets me, the fear of fortune found me
All that Dead Girl Theory surrounds me

I don’t want to become a corpse too.

So shall I run? Or become a slave because shame begets me? Toiling for a witch like an unskilled mage

Ex-lovers haunting me
But they’re not quier dead
For goodness sake
Don’t let them find me
For I am ashamed my beauty is fake
Or to see realistically, how quickly my glass house can break

Platform after platform
Trains, undergrounds and buses
They’re all coming to fast now
I can’t concentrate

Fear of being exposed as a fraud surrounds me
They’ve sent the Gestapo to get me
The gunshots go off arround me
But I am still alive. Still breathing.

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Abandoned Lovers and Wasted Dreams

“The nights of running through the metallic green forest, has come to an end

Knees bloodied

I plead with the Grand Tree to release me of all my inequities
To feed me fruit, so I will no longer be weak
Provide me shelter, so the creatures will no longer attack me

For I have left many lovers
And now I have no one to nurse me back to health
I have no one to protect me in this hell
I feared the light of their love
And abandoned the ways of the Siren’s sea”

I craved an innate solidarity

So please oh, Old Tree
Protect Me

The Tree opened up and embraced her.

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Mispelled Pleasure

You may not be in love
But you’re hypnotised
Hooked the moment your eyes met my waist

The roll of my hips
The softness of my bottom lip, the flick of the top
The weight of my legs

You fell under my spell
And I fell for the feel of your hands and touch of your skin
The rise of your chest and the grunt of your breath
As my leg hung mid-air
I realised I could not control this spell
And the curse of Want that was to follow

All control was lost and I began to fall for my own spell

I began to beg
For my leg to wrap around your waist
To feel your lips on my neck
I became weak in ecstasy all because of you

All in want of you.

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Love Begets Sin

If you have ever loved
You have already sinned

You have committed Pride
In how you observed your loved one

You have committed Gluttony
In that you want more and more of your lover
Even when you are full
Even when they are empty

You have readily and excitedly committed Lust
Running to them unashamedly
Abandoning all logical reasoning
Just to feel their softness within

You have committed anger due to the flames of your desire
When the immediacy of your ardour was not returned
Even for a short time

You have dwelt in slothfullness
All those mornings, afternoons and evenings
Laying in your lovers arms
Covered in past, present and future kisses
The sweat of your consumed desire
Still wet on your skin

The sin of envy
Committed unabashed and brazenly
As your lover causes you to build fences and castles
Great walls, that even China’s cannot resemble
All in the hope, that no other can taste the insatiable fruit
That is your pride and joy

Love creates a natural-born sinner

 

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My Scorpio Was Lucifer

You remind me of all the tragedy and trauma I try so hard to romanticise
Of all the pain I hid behind a smile
Of all the weight I lost trying to fit in with the style

You remind me of hell and mental asylums

Of the snake that told Eve to give the apple to Adam – they were both parts of me
You tried to annihilate them

A realisation based on the sands of time
On the realisation that your heart never was mine, only the curses and the demons from time to time

You remind me of sin and gin
Combined with anger and the demons of hell singing

Of ravenous corpses rising

Of a plague only the mind knows but the body shows

Of ravenous corpses climbing
Of a plague only the mind knows but the body shows

Yet I see Saint Lucy beckoning

With light like a stream

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Dream Error 404

It’s pitch white

Too bright to see a thing

And their laughter surrounds me

Weakening me at the knees

I can barely breathe

 

Every laugh they make

Is a step my feet falter to make

All that is before me disappears

My dreams, nothing but fantasies I can’t recreate

So the whispers grow stronger, as my mind regurgitates all that is before it

 

No soul. No hate.

 

And yet I force myself to move, before I am late

Family values and niceties await me

I’ll come back to face my fears later

But first, let me dress right.

 

I’d rather evoke envy than become prey.

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The Dragon or The Phoenix

Sometimes I wonder
Am I a Dragon
Or am I The Phoenix

Do I posses
The willpower
To restart
my life over?
Do I receive
Death, as a healing
Instead of a devouring?

Am I absolute
In my existence
In my mind
And my encourage
Or am I fairytale creature
Brought to life
Only when
A Heroine wishes to strike?

I do not know
which I am
But I do know
Which I wish
to become

I wish to become The Phoenix
To die
Many deaths
Without truly passing
away in my mind
To renew my mind
When old ways
have passed
To wear a coat
more beautiful
than any angel or bird

I choose to be
The best
I can be
Through renewal
and rebirth
Through the sacrifice
of the dead cells
in my heart

I wish
To free
My soul

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My Tears/Your Shame

You know the depth of my my heart
The evil that I flaunt to hide the light of my mind
The cheekiness of my smile
My sexual nature that I use to make others mine
You too see the obsession growing in their mind

But it cripples the one I want in the mind
Making them back away from my performative lies

I refused to let him see my tears
Who the true wearer of this mask is

That my ugliness would surpass any illusions of beauty
So I decided on the headiness of this strong wine
To give me the confidence to convey my lies

But you my dear guardian angel, you see my disguise and laugh at my desperation for a better life
Cutting through my inebriation with a holy knife

No more games, no more gimmicks
I give you my life
With defeated laughter and tears filling my eyes

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All My Hues of Blue

It’s all hues of blue

The blue in the sky on a monotonous winter day
The blue of the ocean when I catch a ferry
The blue of the vein on your neck as we make love sweetly
The blue-black of your skin that makes me want to taste, lick and hold it
The blue of her eyes as she smiles and faces the world confidently
The blue of the adire, of the batik and of the kampala
The blue of my people
The blue of my Grandma and of the benin eyes of my Grandpa

The blue-grey of the London pavement as my cheeks are overrun with tears

The blue, black and grey that my soul vies to hear

It’s all these hues of blue that represent my love and my fears.

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Her Cruel Laugh

How long till my cuteness becomes madness
till my beguiling darkness because porous; till the insecurity eats away at you like lead to the mind, my ways are no more like lithium – you are addicted to what you may never find

I know the intangible love that you seek and I will not lie
You live in a fairytale, untrue and unsafe for the flourishing of the mind

Visions of make-believe that give you hope but make you ten times more blind.

There is nothing wrong with hope but who are you fooling when you know the truth of all that lies
Before you with nothing to hide, showing you its ugliness without any disguise
Brazen in it hideousness as it knows what your self-esteem requires

Will your soul ever truly find flight?

You fool, finding comfort in things other than the truth
Let the lies be uncovered and face the facts, you brute
Callous to all those that lie in front of you
You took that apple from the tree of death and had a massive lascivious bite

Your imbecilic nature is truly shining through
I hope you do not believe that any compassion is truly your due

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