Category Archives: Life

Anxiety Time Machine

Constantly running
Running to or from the shame
The fear of fame begets me, the fear of fortune found me
All that Dead Girl Theory surrounds me

I don’t want to become a corpse too.

So shall I run? Or become a slave because shame begets me? Toiling for a witch like an unskilled mage

Ex-lovers haunting me
But they’re not quier dead
For goodness sake
Don’t let them find me
For I am ashamed my beauty is fake
Or to see realistically, how quickly my glass house can break

Platform after platform
Trains, undergrounds and buses
They’re all coming to fast now
I can’t concentrate

Fear of being exposed as a fraud surrounds me
They’ve sent the Gestapo to get me
The gunshots go off arround me
But I am still alive. Still breathing.

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Asylum of the Night

Broken in a ways that they can’t detect the pain
It comes to me at night
I try to sleep in vain

Silently walking through the streets
In my mind
But my body gives me away
A fight for time

“I solemnly swear to try and stop breaking” goes my old melodic saying

It’s never quite fulfilled
Then I wear the shadow of shame
A beautiful coat that others see as game

 

My throat clogs up when I try to explain this saying
My eyes well up when I realise all my cuts are in the way

I pray for a tongue that can explain the pain
Away away
I can’t keep up with the saying
My flesh is weak and all it knows is betrayal

My darting eyes cannot disguise the weight of this cloak
I’m out of time

And in mother’s womb I pray and pray
That I should never awake and face this doom

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Melodies of Hope

The song lyrics of a new life plays a new hope in my mind
Hallucinations of happiness and peace combined
Auditory fantasies of laughter that leads to tears

Of walking through dreams only to realise you can really eat and drink
To truly live in a bliss that does not require perfection

What a charmed life that would be
To truly let go of this cloak of depression

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Sacrifices

Who would have thought
Ecstasy and euphoria
Would make me forget
The ground below
Would make me forget
The cold of beautiful snow

To float in the clouds is bliss
Until one remembers they are hungry
You cannot use aether to quench your hunger

Dancing till your feet are tired?
Joyful until you complain
Of arthritis in your old age

Eating rich till your heart is satisfied
But that same pleasure
Can cause that very same heart to die

Love has a price to pay
And there are sacrifices to be made

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Stoicism

I didn’t allow the wind to move me

I refused to flow with the water surrounding me

I detested the fire that attempted to refine me

And so I became as stoic as a rock
Then the Earth swallowed me up.

 

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Love Begets Sin

If you have ever loved
You have already sinned

You have committed Pride
In how you observed your loved one

You have committed Gluttony
In that you want more and more of your lover
Even when you are full
Even when they are empty

You have readily and excitedly committed Lust
Running to them unashamedly
Abandoning all logical reasoning
Just to feel their softness within

You have committed anger due to the flames of your desire
When the immediacy of your ardour was not returned
Even for a short time

You have dwelt in slothfullness
All those mornings, afternoons and evenings
Laying in your lovers arms
Covered in past, present and future kisses
The sweat of your consumed desire
Still wet on your skin

The sin of envy
Committed unabashed and brazenly
As your lover causes you to build fences and castles
Great walls, that even China’s cannot resemble
All in the hope, that no other can taste the insatiable fruit
That is your pride and joy

Love creates a natural-born sinner

 

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The Pressure

I feel their many hands
Clamouring onto my feet
Hear the gnashing of their teeth
And in my mind the anxieties of their souls they do speak

Air thick with the hunger for freedom
Begging me for salvation
The lamentations of the ones who cannot speak
Seek me like pilgrims seek enlightenment

But why do these dark souls clamouring at my feet, now hanging onto my legs
Ask for spilt blood as their release fee?

My legs are getting tired now.
My soul would like to just be.

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Alchemy

As she looks to her past
All lined up like a circle of Mayan dominoes behind her
Each domino their own story
Their own theory on her life
A piece of her in all the worst ways
The music plays
And she sets fire to this domino maze

Dancing to a rhythm that reminds her she is not set in her ways
That her life can truly change

And as the fire circles her, it begins to fear her own flames of desire

For there is nothing more powerful than a woman free from her chains

She has seemingly reclaimed back her power.

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Minimalistic Pain

A steel box
Stainless for that minimalist touch

In case my blood drops
It’ll be real easy to clean up

A tornado of pretentious words and platitudes
A storm of unspoken emotions and digested traumas

Keep me shackled in this box that has no opening

Inherently luminant
Reflecting off itself

A straight jacket so fashionable
What is a trend but a system of control?

Freedom only in my self-infliction

But you would have to get close to see my pain
Close enough to see these chains

To understand how we are the same

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Epidemic

It starts off small
Just a patch on my chest

Then it slowly grows over my arms
and up to my neck

I cover it up
Nothing to see here
There is nothing anyone can do about it
There is nothing there

As it spreads over my back
I laugh louder

Then it takes over my legs
I start to feel it

My hands are beginning to show it
So my face grows more vacant

As I sleep, I toss and turn
Only to wake up and to truly see it

It has swallowed my body whole
Completely engulfed it

How shall I find a way
to keep this secret
When even I cannot ignore it?

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