To the point your loved ones become a target for that internal hate you try to drink away
So you try to be extra careful with your lover
The vulnerable type, just like you
But you have the privilege of being a bitch in your drunken behaviour, yet you embrace your lover with your eyes closed, thinking anything goes as long as I don’t hurt you
But you did.
You hurt them so bad
Stubbing a cigarette on both their eyelids, telling them how they see the world isn’t important
And so you’ve done it. You’ve become that abusive parent/lover/carer, the internal hatred slipped out and made you hate yourself
The social abuse and revenge attacks feel like light work in comparison to feelings of guilt rising like bile from your belly to your throat.
What the fuck is sorry in the face of your own inequities.